Last Day

$465! That was our grand total after the garage sale. Absolutely lovely. But the garage sale itself…well let’s face it, they’re never lovely. Hot, sticky and dusty and not a lot of people showed up. But all hail Craig’s List. I should have just done that in the first place. 24 hours after putting everything up for sale on Craig’s List, it was all sold. Glory be, now we won’t have to lug those hideous off-white pleather couches to Galveston.

Today was our last day in 1st Ward. In our church, we have a Fast and Testimony Meeting on the first Sunday of each month. Everyone is supposed to fast for 24 hours prior to the meeting, and then we’re invited to bear our testimonies about the gospel at the meeting. All day long, I tried to pysch myself up to get up and bear my testimony, because my heart was so full. But I chickened out, both in Relief Society and Sacrament.

So I thought I’d do it now. I am so darn blessed, and I can’t figure out why. Through absolutely no merit of my own, I’ve tasted the forgiveness and mercy of Jesus Christ first hand. I felt personally and singly loved by my Heavenly Father. I’ve had people placed directly in my life by the Lord that have changed me and copiously blessed my life (some of you are these people). He sent me Steven, who is so patient and loving and kind in every way, and who is such an astoundingly perfect match for me. He gave me my two miraculous children, who fill my heart with that deep, deep joy that permeates my heart even when things aren’t going so hot in my life. And even the bad things, the hurtful things and the pain that I’ve suffered from time to time always seems to have been impeccably placed in order to chasten or chisel me into what the Lord needs me to be. There have been times in my life when I haven’t lived the gospel, but now that I’m trying to, the difference in my confidence and my peace is like night and day. I find joy in knowing who I am and what I’ve been sent here to do: bless the lives of others.

I wish I could be better. I wish I could love more flawlessly and without fear. I wish I could serve more abundantly without thought for myself. I wish I could tell everyone that I love how very, very much I love and need them, boldly and honestly, without feeling sheepish or sappy. But I know that through the atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ, that despite my constant weaknesses, He’ll make up the difference in the end. And for that reason alone, I think I can keep trying.