On Being the Primary Chorister

I don't really want to dwell on what's been pervading my thoughts lately, so instead I'll write about something that makes me happy.

In January, I was called as the Primary Chorister at church, and I just love it. We have a rather large primary (about 75 kids) and the majority are under 7 years old. They're really great kids, though, and I just love seeing them every Sunday. Some of them even give me big smiles or hugs when they see me, and I can't even describe how amazing that makes me feel.

I've had this calling before. Back in Chicago, while I was teaching elementary music 5 days a week, I was called to be the Primary Chorister. And I hated it. I absolutely HATED it! I didn't have time to make all the props and I didn't have tons of time to spend on it anyway. And on top of it all, I couldn't figure out how to maintain order and discipline with the kids without using my "severe" voice (a voice my school kids heard quite often. Not as nice, but much quicker and very effective).

I'm not sure why, but it's 100% different this time. I love every minute of it. I have more time at home during the week to think out my lesson plans and make visual aids. It's possible that being excited about it has made all the difference.

I haven't had many meaningful musical connections lately, and I'd just recently begun to feel that lack. And even though I know this calling is a a very small outlet, it still brings me so much joy! It's so amazing to me how the Lord seems to help me with every single little need, no matter how insignificant.

I feel very fulfilled; like it's honing my skills and keeping my teaching fresh. And what's more, I feel like I'm finally learning how to maintain that classroom order WITHOUT my severe voice, which is an invaluable skill.

Now if I could just do the same thing with my KIDS, that would just be super.

Eeeek!

I have to give my scary talk tomorrow in sacrament AND do singing time in Primary. I practiced my talk tonight and it's SEVENTEEN MINUTES LONG!! What the heck, when did I get so unecessarily verbose? Now I have to go back and figure out which parts to chop out so I won't be remembered as "that woman who made Sacrament run over..."

My singing time activity involves popping balloons, which I thought sure to be a success with the kiddos. I DIDN'T, however, think about how the noise factor might alarm people in the hallways. I guess we'll find out tomorrow!

Bummers, Talks & Nephews

We're not coming to Arlington this weekend. I am really bummed out, but it just didn't end up working. Steven got bogged down at work, I got asked to sub for singing-time in primary again, and Joey (my brother) ended up not having room for us anyway. Oh well. Now I won't have an excuse to skip the gym this week.

The first counselor of the bishopric came by about an hour ago to ask us to give a talk in Sacrament meeting THIS SUNDAY (HELLO?!!) And this isn't one of those listener-friendly talks, either. It's THE ADVESARY AND ENDURING TO THE END!! Hmmmmm...which delightful subject should I expound upon....suffering of the pioneers, perhaps? (It would serve them right).

My nephews came down with my sister-in-law for a visit this week. I had them spend the night with us last night so they could have a day to play with Stevie and David before they left. I love my nephews so much. They are such hilarious, fragile, irritating, beautiful little boys. I remember being there when Andrew was born, and now he's just had his 10th birthday! He's all arms and legs and enormous feet and big blue eyes. When Zack was born, he was 3 months premature, and I could hold him the palm of my hand. We worried so much that he would be held back in life because of his premature birth, but instead he's a thoughtful, quiet and perfect little 6year old. Stevie and David adore them both.

I don't spend a lot of time with my brother's family and so I don't get to see my nephews often. They tend to drive me crazy with talk of Star Wars but I love them so much, and I'm so glad that when we do get together, I can still hear them yell "MIMI!" and see them run to me with big hugs.

Last Day

$465! That was our grand total after the garage sale. Absolutely lovely. But the garage sale itself…well let’s face it, they’re never lovely. Hot, sticky and dusty and not a lot of people showed up. But all hail Craig’s List. I should have just done that in the first place. 24 hours after putting everything up for sale on Craig’s List, it was all sold. Glory be, now we won’t have to lug those hideous off-white pleather couches to Galveston.

Today was our last day in 1st Ward. In our church, we have a Fast and Testimony Meeting on the first Sunday of each month. Everyone is supposed to fast for 24 hours prior to the meeting, and then we’re invited to bear our testimonies about the gospel at the meeting. All day long, I tried to pysch myself up to get up and bear my testimony, because my heart was so full. But I chickened out, both in Relief Society and Sacrament.

So I thought I’d do it now. I am so darn blessed, and I can’t figure out why. Through absolutely no merit of my own, I’ve tasted the forgiveness and mercy of Jesus Christ first hand. I felt personally and singly loved by my Heavenly Father. I’ve had people placed directly in my life by the Lord that have changed me and copiously blessed my life (some of you are these people). He sent me Steven, who is so patient and loving and kind in every way, and who is such an astoundingly perfect match for me. He gave me my two miraculous children, who fill my heart with that deep, deep joy that permeates my heart even when things aren’t going so hot in my life. And even the bad things, the hurtful things and the pain that I’ve suffered from time to time always seems to have been impeccably placed in order to chasten or chisel me into what the Lord needs me to be. There have been times in my life when I haven’t lived the gospel, but now that I’m trying to, the difference in my confidence and my peace is like night and day. I find joy in knowing who I am and what I’ve been sent here to do: bless the lives of others.

I wish I could be better. I wish I could love more flawlessly and without fear. I wish I could serve more abundantly without thought for myself. I wish I could tell everyone that I love how very, very much I love and need them, boldly and honestly, without feeling sheepish or sappy. But I know that through the atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ, that despite my constant weaknesses, He’ll make up the difference in the end. And for that reason alone, I think I can keep trying.

I LOVED PRINCE CASPIAN!

Seriously, what a great movie! And even though I haven't read the book in 5 years (it was very different from the book, by the way), I think I liked the movie even better! This is a raving review for me, because I usually poke holes through movies until you can see through them. But I really, really enjoyed this one. Maybe it’s because C.S. Lewis is one of my all-time favorite writers. Maybe it was because I felt like I was hearing gospel principles while seeing a masterful production in action. Maybe it was because the main characters were so heartbreakingly adorable. And even though I was making wise-cracks through the whole thing, I seriously felt the spirit so many times. I loved this movie, and it gave me a lot to think about.

One of the main themes that I recognized was coming to depend on the Lord for your comfort and direction, instead of trying to do it all by yourself. In the story, Peter declines to send for Aslan (who symbolizes Christ) and instead tries to lead the troops into battle and even challenges the main enemy to a duel to the death. He does this both out of a lack of faith that Aslan will help him (haven’t I gone through that?) as well as a desire to prove himself brave and capable. And finally, after he does defeat the main enemy in the duel, he realizes there are battalions of enemies ready to continue the attack. Only when Aslan intervenes is the battle actually won.

And when I think of my own life, I see how I suffer this time and time again. I think “this isn’t important enough to trouble the Lord with”, or that I need to conquer it by myself, be strong, prove myself. And I go along getting weaker and weaker until at some point, I realize that without Him, I just can’t do it. I have to stop trusting my own strength, and trust in the strength of the Lord to carry me through. This is a major principle I’ve been sent here to learn, and yet because of my own thick-headedness, I’m forced to learn it again and again.

But I’m so grateful to be a part of the battle. It may not be as romantic or as exciting to watch as this fabulous movie, but it’s still a true, valid struggle. And the sooner I can truly give up my will to living the laws of God, the sooner I can have peace and happiness. A line from one of my favorite songs (How Can I Keep from Singing), says

What though my joys and comforts die?
I know my Savior liveth;
What though the darkness gather round!
Songs in the night He giveth:
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I’m clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of Heav’n and earth,
How can I keep from singing?

I lift mine eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smoothes
Since first I learned to love it:
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing:
All things are mine since I am His—
How can I keep from singing?

Variety Show

We had the Top Banana Variety Show at church on Friday night, and it was crazy fun. It did run a little long, but what are we going to say to people? “Sorry, we have enough acts already, so you can’t do yours.” And anyway, everyone seemed to enjoy it and we had yummy banana splits afterwards. (I don’t know why I say “yummy” banana splits…I hate banana splits…I like bananas and I like ice cream…just not together—big surprise--).

We had some guitarists, bassists, a harmonica solo, a performance by the Arlington Sparkles, some hilarious and idiotic skits, some singers, gymnastics, a rockin’ line dance routine and even a poetry reading. Sa Brown, Heather Clinger and I sang “I’m a Woman” by Peggy Lee, and it was really, REALLY fun. That song has the greatest Woman Power lyrics, and I think our husbands should read them twice a day.

All in all, the variety show was not the fiasco I predicted. Steven did a wonderful job and I shouldn't have fretted so much! Thankfully my needless worrying did NOT come into fruition, and a hilarious time was had by all.

General Conference

I don’t remember ever being part of a Solemn Assembly before, and even though I was actually sitting on my recliner in my pajamas when it began, I’m still so glad I was a part of it. You could feel love for President Monson radiating from all the people in the assembly. When they asked the Relief Society sisters to stand, my heart was filled with love for President Monson, as well as for my fellow sisters and for the church organization as a whole.

As I watched President Monson during conference, my heart went out to him. His ordinarily smiling face was replaced with a look so overwhelmed and so solemn with the magnitude of his calling. And even though he’s had reason to expect it, and is worthy and capable, I can’t imagine what must being going through his heart and mind.

The speakers were amazing in each session and the spirit was so strong. There have been so many times in my life when, being carried away with the swirling ideas of the world, I start to panic about my testimony and the truth of it all. But when I sit in conference and listen to the words of modern-day revelation, I know it’s all true because of the way I feel: so close to tears and so full of a desire to ‘go about doing good’.

Stumped

So Steven and I were sitting around fruitlessly brainstorming for Ward Activity Ideas (needless capitalization? you decide). When he WASN’T involved in the activities committee, it seems we always had big ideas about how we could create the most excellent activity EVER. Now that we revisit these past ideas, we see that we were definitely not as cool as we once imagined. So we spent last night spouting out and poking holes in every idea under the sun. Luau, Lip Sync, Games Night, Movie Night …the list goes on and on. So here’s the $64,000 question: what is the ideal ward activity for a family ward?