I'm glad that it's easy for me to make friends. I'm so glad that I've overcome that crippling shyness that often attacked me in high school and junior high. It's definitely a blessing to be able to talk with people I don't know. I usually feel very confident about it, too---confident that the person I'm talking to will like me and that I'll like them.
That being said, I think having a true best friend (other than Steven, coolest of all husbands) is something I'm just not meant to have. Whenever I get really close to a friend, close enough to merit complete honesty and therefore true friendship, something happens to make me feel unsafe. Someone backs away or moves on, and with the greatest of subtleties makes me understand that I can't or shouldn't depend on them for unconditional understanding and acceptance.
Afterwards we usually remain friends. I still like them--I may even love them. But I retract any and all emotional dependence I may have had for them and invest it elsewhere. It's the strategy that makes me feel the safest.
Maybe it's God's way of strengthening the relationship I have with my husband. Maybe it's His way of keeping sacred the amazing relationship I had with Mom.
But it definitely makes for some lonely moments of realization.
Despite all this negative rhapsodizing, I am grateful for the friendships I do have. And I treasure the memories of "best friends" of yore. Like Toni and Mags and Rachel and Jody. And Arnim and Josh and Eric, even though we haven't spoken in years.
7 comments:
You know, I've never been a big believer in the Best Friend or BFF or Bestie. I had one best friend in high school and ever since then I seem to surround myself with amazing women, but never developing that intimate bond with any of them to consider them a best friend. I think it's a way of guarding myself from any heartache, but also, like you said, about strengthening my relationship with my husband. And keeping the bond I have with my sisters and nieces.
I totally feel you. I don't think there's anything wrong with not having a best friend. I say that I have many friends who are my favorite people in the whole world and I am perfectly happy keeping it that way.
And by the way, Jake is absolutely adorable!
I was going to leave a comment saying me and my sisters all feel the same way you do, but Missy already posted!
I had a best friend in high school, as well as a really tight group of friends, but in our senior year it all went wrong and since then I haven't had a best friend. I think the fear of getting hurt is a big reason, but I'm also so emotionally independent that I don't feel like I need one.
I have a lot of girlfriends that I have great talks and great fun with and so I feel fulfilled in the friendship department, but I must admit, there have been so many times that I have prayed for a best friend. I envy those women who have that best friend or tight group of girls that stay friend for all time. Sometimes I really want that, and other times I'm totally cool with the way it is. I just wonder if a best friend came along, would I even know how to be one in return?
I'm jealous of the whole "sisters" thing you guys have. I always imagine it would be just as awesome as the one I had with Mom. I definitely feel the lack of a female confidant that will love you no. matter. what. Even when they find out what you're REALLY like.
Maybe that's why I get so sad about not having a daughter. I'm starting to realize that that amazing "female" relationship will in all probability never happen for me again. I'm always searching for it, though.
I'm pretty much just parrotting what has already been said. My sister is my best friend and my closest friends are the relationships that I developed in junior high and high school and still have, despite miles and differences in our lives. I think part of it is that when we are younger our lives are generally the same, we are beehives together, then dancing and dating and graduating. After that everyone's live move at different paces and we bond with new women that we have things in common with. I do think that it helps us to form new friendships, but also keeps us from having the ones that we used to be able to build because our adult lives are ever changing and re-balancing and the same people don't always seem to fit in there the same ways as before.
I LOVE YOU through all the miles that separate us.
Xo
Mags
**HUGS** cause I feel ya. So, so feel ya!
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