Slowly but surely, all the memories we lost in the fire are creeping up on me. The other day I was watching that TLC show “Say Yes to the Dress.” You know, the one that’s all about the wedding dress shop? I just started to feel so sad that my beautiful, beautiful dress--my dream dress--is gone for good. Especially after I lugged it from Dallas to Libertyville to Round Lake Beach to Libertyville to Arlington to League City.
Every picture that I had of myself before 2004---high school, TCU, BYU—all my band pictures—and the pictures from my childhood. Sometimes I just can’t believe that they're all gone. Why, oh WHY did I have to assign myself as “family historian” and take all the Howsley pictures with me to League City when we moved? Not one childhood picture. My kids are going to think I just sprouted out of the ground at age 27. No pictures of me back when I was actually pretty.
And all the videos kill me too. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn’t sleep thinking about it. All those videos of Stevie as a baby—I can’t even remember how he moved or how he talked. And David when he was just a baby too. All gone.
Thank GOODNESS I brought my hard drive with me. At least I have plenty of adorable pictures of them from when they were babies.
I got started on this funk because I’ve been working on the kids’ baby books lately (I know, I’m a little late, right?) I realize that I have virtually no little mementos from either of the kids’ births. Irreplaceable things like bracelets and locks of hair. Birth announcements. Tiny footprints.
They’re just things. We’re making new memories—it doesn’t really matter. I just hate feeling like the documentation for a part of my life has been erased.
6 comments:
I am so sorry Jenny! You guys are the best, and you really have made it through so much!
I can't believe its almost been a year Jen. I remember it like it was yesterday. I'm sorry you are having to deal with memories in such a different way. Write them down before you forget. You rock girl. Keep strong. :-)
I can't even imagine what you have gone through and are continuing to go through. I believe that you were up in the night thinking about it! I'm sick just reading about this and they aren't even my memories. Carina is so right (for once)jk. You really should write down all that you can remember so you won't forget because you will :). Just get a note book and keep it out for when thoughts pop in your mind. It makes me want to go get a giant fire proof safe to keep important things in. Stay strong and you said it best you are making new memories!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT..."when I was actually pretty". You are beautiful!
I can't even imagine what that loss feels like. I've lost a few things over the years, some from when our house was broken in to and pictures stored on various computers that crashed, but nothing on the level that you guys went through. I know how much I miss some of the things that I've lost, I can't comprehend how much you must miss what you've lost. I'm glad that you can make new memories. And stop with not being pretty talk, you're gorgeous!
This may not help but aat least you had pictures to lose. We barely have any pictures TAKEN of us from when we were young. You will take plenty and now they are stored online and you can keep making new memories.
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