A Little Triumph

Have you ever started to feel a little unsure of yourself in a social situation, and then it maybe turns into a bit of paranoia, and eventually you snowball into a strange sinking feeling that makes you want to first throw up and then go hide? Every now and then I fall prey to this craziness, and I just can’t come back up for air.

I’ve unfortunately battled these little incidents all my life. It’s self-centered and self-indulgent in a way—as if everyone is somehow obsessed with judging me. And I know it’s ridiculous, but it’s still a tangible sensation that leaves me emotionally exhausted. My customary reaction is to throw my hands up and flee---usually with a half-gallon of ice cream somewhere close by.

Yesterday, after a series of disappointing events, this all-too-familiar feeling reared its ugly head. Right away I began preparations to go into seclusion and wait it out in my usual woe-is-me style.

But then I got mad. I didn’t have time to deal with this! Why in the world was I letting other people have this much power over me? Giving into self-pity seemed demeaning and idiotic and---weak! So for the first time in as long as I can remember, I swallowed it down. I furrowed my brow, and I shook it off my shoulders. Not this time.

And do you want to know the weirdest part? It worked! Calling myself out and angrily refusing to wallow seemed the very thing I needed. I was actually able to put that bizarre, debilitating feeling on the back-burner and have a wonderful night talking with friends without any lingering self-doubt. It was so freeing.

I really hope I can remember how to do it next time.

What I've Been Up To

SEWING CLASS
I finally girded up my loins and signed up for a sewing class. It’s great because the instructor (who really is an excellent teacher) realizes that it’s more of a “sewing for dummies” class, and therefore uses tiny words and speaks very slowly to all of us. The other 3 girls in the class and I are greatly appreciative of this. So far, I have learned such mystical terms as “bobbin spool,” “selvage” and yes, people—even “backstitch.”

As a matter of fact, I’ve not only mastered threading and unthreading my sewing machine, but I’ve even sewed my VERY FIRST (and absolutely perfect, I might add) hemline on my pattern-assisted pajama pants (which is kind of ridiculous when I think about it, because we took my ‘measurements’ when I was 7 months pregnant, so these pants aren’t going to fit anyone by the time the class is over). Nonetheless, I’m extremely proud and can’t wait to find out where to buy CHEAP FABRIC so that I can keep practicing.

BABY JACOB
Yes, I’ve been making Baby Jacob, and while this may seem painfully obvious, it’s actually taking quite a bit of work. And by work I mean sleep. No, really, I truly have been knocked off my feet these past few weeks with exhaustion. And the icing on the cake is that my belly-button (which used to be so cute AND an inny) has herniated, which makes walking, standing or even sitting in certain positions a challenge nowadays. I feel like I’m going to turn inside-out, and that any day now I’m going to hear a loud “pop,” and there will be Jacob’s foot or hand or whatever appendage he’s decided to punch against it. In fact, my doctor advised me yesterday to start taping it down with surgical tape and medical gauze---which is what I’ve done and now I look….well, let’s just say the bizarre picture is complete. But it does feel a little better.

The good news is that my doctor scheduled a delivery date for Jake---March 18th. That’s only 6 weeks away! It was very happy news.

IN A SLUMP
I got sick this week, and therefore haven’t been that productive (and I mean even less productive than usual). Top that off with money being tight and you have a Jenny who’s longing to go back to work again---which is of course the most impractical thing in the world right now with the baby coming, except for the money part. I’ve also been unusually hermit-like which always compounds the problem. But truthfully, I don’t feel like I’m much fun to be with when I can’t really comfortably DO anything except sit around.

I wish the weather wasn’t so rainy and cold so I could at least let my boys play at a park while I sit on a bench somewhere. They’ve been such troopers, and I’m lucky they’re good at entertaining themselves.

The solution to my Debbie-Downerism is to work as hard at the things I CAN do, count my many blessing, and of course, have the baby.

Gradual Return to Normalcy

I finally feel like I’m getting over that hump—you know, the lethargy/queasiness hump that accompanies the first few months of pregnancy—and now I’m ready to rejoin the world. I had my 2nd doctor’s appointment today, which again cemented my respect and genuine liking of Dr. Griffis. She and I talked about my attack, and she eased my mind about the medication I took while in the hospital. And I got to hear the little heartbeat, which always calms and elates me simultaneously.

But as I was saying, I’m ready to get busy again. Time to evict the cockroaches (which granted, would be easier if our house didn’t have giant cracks in the doors) and scour the place. Did you know I actually ENJOY mopping? That’s something I usually like to keep under wraps—but there’s something soothing about swishing that water all over the floor. Weird, I know. If only I could just mop and never do dishes. Or if I could somehow mop the dishes. Anyway, I digress.

Stevie and David haven't had much fun this month, but they've been such troopers. The thing that always humbles me about my sweet kiddos is how they seem to WANT to spend time with me—even lately when I haven’t been the most interesting person in the world. They just like to be in the same room together. And because of their being such good sports over this past month of boredom, I really feel like we need to get out together and DO some things. Beach, zoo, Space Center—I dunno, whatever I can find that doesn’t cost money. And I’m certainly glad it’s getting a bit cooler so that we can go outside without baking to death.

So wish me luck as I once again attempt to rejoin society and become a contributing member of my family. Heck, I might even make dinner tonight....(might).

Laziness and the Peanut

See the little peanut on the right of the black oval? That’s Baby! It’s actually there!
I went to my first doctor’s appointment today. I’d never met this doctor before, so I had a few reservations—all of which were unfounded. Dr. Griffis is wonderful and she really took a lot of time answering my questions and finding out everything she could about me. I really appreciated that. Some doctors just kind of nod at you on the way in and BOOM, they’re examining without so much as a hello. It was nice that she gave me a chance to get to know her before we went down this whole 9-month long road.

The boys have been terribly bored lately—because I have been terribly lethargic. I can’t remember the last time it was so hard to get things done. I could seriously lie in bed All. Day. Long. But I need to get my rear in gear, because otherwise my children will either die of boredom or wind up killing each other. Plus, the house is standing on its ear, and I haven’t even been making the pretense of straightening it up before Steven gets home. He opens the door, and there’s the Slug, lounging in her sty. (mixed metaphors?)

Fortunately, we’re going to Arizona on Thursday for Steven’s sister Jenny’s wedding. We’ll be spending a whole week with Steven’s family, and I can’t wait. Hopefully this will get me out of my sludgery.

P. S.—As I’m writing this, David is in the corner singing “Wooaah—oh! Livin’ on a Prayer!” (Bon Jovi)

P.P.S.—I just finished doing the dishes, so I feel a bit less guilty about my lazy day.

P.P.P.S.--I just realized that the title of this post sounds like some sort of children's fable.

Everything (currently) That I Can Think Of About...

1. New obsession with Lego StarWars, even though we bought him Guitar Hero for Father's Day.
2. Is a fox.
3. Likes to wade in a baby play pool while grilling steaks.
4. Loves to mix his food all together
5. Wishes I liked Thai food.
6. Keeps putting off going in to get his sleep study done (to see if he has sleep apnea, which he doesn’t by the way. I sleep with him, I should know).
7. Seems to take care of all our business stuff lately. I’m just along for the ride.
8. Eats jelly on his grilled cheese sandwiches.
9. Can play “Maple Leaf Rag” and Mozart’s “Variations on Ah! Vous dirais je maman” on the piano by memory. Now that we have a piano again he’s been playing like mad.
10. Is gone just about every Saturday morning moving someone in or out of the ward. Thank goodness we have a ton of great guys in the ward willing to help!
11. Takes FOREVER to write an email. I’m talking hours. It’s strange.
12. Likes to use his music recording software to make original compositions—mostly of which are extremely funky and all of which done with him performing every instrument.
13. Is very handy, and has fixed all the door jambs so they’ll open again.



1. LOVES LOVES LOVES Guitar Hero (especially the drums).
2. Has recently perfected his rendition of “Eye of the Tiger,” complete with vocals, dance moves, sunglasses, and a backwards hat. Other pieces in his repertoire include “LIvin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi and “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne. He just kills me.
3. Will sometimes shout “I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL” at the top of his lungs.
4. Is very emotional, and has frequent meltdowns when things don’t go as planned. Just like me.
5. Has recently started swimming UNDERWATER on his own. He also does underwater somersaults and always wears his blue face mask while in the water.
6. Loves to swing on the swing set.
7. Calls himself “Fire Guy” when playing superheroes.
8. Loves the ocean—I recently bought him a kick board and he uses it as a mini-boogie board. He’s WAY too brave and it makes me nervous!
9. Can count to 120 (with just a teeny bit of help).
10. Likes to pretend he’s a baby sometimes. He’ll toddle and put his arms out and talk baby talk.
11. Can read. He can sound out just about any word, and can even read sentences when he puts his mind to it.
12. Is completely out-numbered by girls at church. It seems that most of his little friends are girls.
13. Is bored at home. He always wants to play video games or computer games. I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s not being stimulated enough at home, and is ready for some challenges. We just bought him a new computer game that’s specifically for Kindergarten learning, so hopefully that might help.
14. Just learned how to buckle his own seatbelt a few weeks ago.
15. Loves salad, and recently discovered he loves cucumbers too.



1. Always has to carry 2 or 3 toys with him whenever we leave the house.
2. Is a scrapper. He’s always tackling or play fighting.
3. Loves to jump off of things.
4. Just wants to be around you. You can be doing whatever, and David just wants to be in the room with you.
5. Loves to read books. He’s always asking me to read his Tonka Trucks book.
6. Takes FOREVER to eat his dinner. I usually end up having to grab the fork and shovel it into his mouth.
7. Loves bread but isn’t crazy about meat.
8. Wants to be able to do everything Stevie does, and is often frustrated when he can’t.
9. Is an occasional napper. Sometimes he’ll fall asleep in the car and sleep for hours. But most days he doesn’t nap.
10. Is currently in the other room pretending to build a rocket ship.
11. Loves milk but will settle for juice.
12. Isn’t terribly interested in using the big boy potty.
13. Loves to tell incomprehensible knock-knock jokes.
14. Has started being a lot braver in the water. He can’t swim yet, but he’s experimenting with jump off of things and putting his face in the water. He likes to wade out right up to his neck.
15. Loves the ocean. He likes to wade out WAY FURTHER than Mommy would like him to go.
16. Would MUCH RATHER watch old “Batman” or “Spiderman” cartoons than anything on Nick Jr. He’s very into superheroes.



1. Is doing great on Weightwatchers and has already lost 13.8 lbs.
2. Has been obsessed with the computer lately—namely Biotronic and Typing Maniac. (escape?)
3. Works out most days on the elliptical cross-trainer for 45 min. at the YMCA.
4. Cleans her dad’s house every Thursday and makes dinner for him.
5. Watches her adorable nephew Jackson on Mondays and Tuesdays.
6. Loves swimming, and hates that the YMCA is our only pool.
7. Has taken over the ward choir.
8. Hates grocery shopping but seems to be at the grocery store every single day.
9. Is considering re-auditioning for the Bay Area Chorus in August.
10. Has had a very, very happy week. (more later).
11. Is much more boring than her adorable and awesome family.